Dear America, qu'est-ce que c'est, eh? What happened to you? Canada, your closest friend and ally, is really worried about you. And what's up with this back-stabbing crap?
For a very long time, we have stood by your side, welcomed each other as friends, partners, even family. Generations of Canadians have marched into battle with you in two World Wars. We have supported and uplifted you through natural disasters, tragic accidents, and global pandemics. During the Iran hostage crisis, Canadian Ambassador Ken Taylor and a Canadian diplomat named John Sheardown gave refuge to six Americans, risking their own safety to do so. With the full support of the Canadian Government, the Americans were given Canadian passports and smuggled out of Iran on a flight to Switzerland. This life-saving operation became known as the Canadian Caper, and Ambassador Ken Taylor was awarded the Congressional Gold Medal by the U.S. Congress for his role in safe-guarding American lives.
And, then there's 9-1-1. Do you remember, dear America, how Canada swiftly initiated Operation Yellow Ribbon that day to save, feed, and shelter thousands of plane passengers destined for U.S. airports during that terror-filled time of anxiety and uncertainty? Lifelong friendships were forged between Canadians and Americans due to the amazing hospitality offered from neighbour to neighbour.
So, then, dear America, what's this current kerfuffle all about? Let's clear the air on what it's definitely NOT about - fentanyl or migrants. Here's an astonishing fact that Fox "News" probably hasn't told you: less than 1% of the fentanyl in your country enters through the Canadian border and ditto for migrants. Yet, if we want to get nitpicky about illegal smuggling through the Canada/U.S. border, the Toronto Police Service has said that 85% of guns used in criminal activity in that city have come in from the U.S. through illegal means. Texas, in particular, was noted as a source of these weapons. Is it too much of a stretch, then, to wonder if these same bad actors are supplying the drug cartels with their weapons as well? It might be prudent to check your own backyard first before pointing Uncle Sam's finger at your neighbour.
Make no mistake, dear America: what the orange miscreant really wants by initiating this unjustified trade war is to annex Canada's sovereign territory and gain access to our vast stock of natural resources, such as water, oil, energy, and lumber. The buffoon has managed to fool enough of you to once again gain full control of your inner sanctum. His promise to drain the swamp is just one of his many, many lies. Instead, he has turned your once shining beacon of democracy into a swirling, stinking, decaying cesspool of oligarchs, sycophants, and brain-washed imbeciles.
Dear America, is this how you really want to end our long-term, mutually beneficial relationship? We honestly do care about the well-being and economic success of our citizens and yours. Please, please, dear friend, open your eyes and plug your nostrils before it's too late; before there's no turning back from this fiasco. The stench coming from Washington now is permeating the planet with toxicity. We deserve better, and so do you!
Regards from "the true north strong and free"