Wicked Winter, eh?

What a wicked winter, eh? Remember the catch phrase “when hell freezes over”? Well, it's a done deal – not even an ember left smoldering to warm up Old Scratch's hooves. The polar vortex has a strangle hold on North America and we are all caught in its long-reaching icy grip. Thirty torturous minutes on the treadmill can barely produce a sweat these days. Last night Hubby Dear swore that his poor old bones would take till July to thaw. What a cacophony of creaks and groans we make each night as we help each other up the stairs to bed. Not much chance of a race to the finish, that's for sure. All together now, let's hear a rousing chorus of “Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones.”

Even the deep south is in a deep freeze. From Virginia to Florida and across to Texas, cars are slipping off icy roads and people are bundled tighter than mummies in an Egyptian tomb. Canadian snowbirds are crying in their frozen daiquiris while shivering in their capris and sandals. It seems that the dawning of a new ice age has caught global warming proponents by surprise. What a mess!

I wonder if the winter of 2014 is producing a bumper crop of people suffering from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? I have always stated clearly and emphatically to anyone who would listen that I hate winter. Finally, scores of others have seen the light (or lack thereof) and are joining in my heartfelt plea to Mother Nature and Old Man Winter to bring an immediate halt to their nefarious version of Ice Capades. Enough already, you two sadistic old jackasses.

The frigid air has even managed to freeze dreams of escaping to a warmer climate. How far south would you have to go this year to find a tropical paradise? And who wants to spend half their vacation time stuck in an airport with thousands of other disgruntled passengers anyway while planes remain frozen to the tarmac?

Let's try to stay positive. We can wrap ourselves in blankets, consume copious amounts of calories for fat storage to stay warm, drink hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and watch Fantasy Island on Netflix. At least the planes are flying there and people are strolling sandy beaches or sipping cocktails in gently swaying hammocks under a palm tree. Sigh!!!!

Aloha'Oe, Aloha'Oe.....